I'm Lost: A List

1. In 2012, I started a new career. I was a Public Librarian. I had finally chosen my path.

2. In 2015, I quit that career. Depression was a big motivator for quitting.

3. Today, the county government posted a job listing for the exact position I dreamed of having before I quit my career. Seeing it, in black and white, has made me feel sad. What if I'd just waited?

4. I am unmoored and confused.

5. Even though all of this is terrifying, I am trying to relish this freedom.

6. All around me, high school seniors are filling out college applications and making plans for their futures. I can see the anxiety on their faces.

7. I spent years and years being unsure about my future...unsure what I wanted and how I would get it if I ever figured it out.

8. Still, I have the freedom to make my own choices.

9. And I can choose just about anything. I am unmoored...

10. But, that's OK.

11. And it might even be really good.

12. And whatever comes next, I am a stronger problem-solver now than I was before I quit my career.

13. What if my mid-life crisis is about choosing among many possible paths instead of trying to escape the path I thought I wanted?

14. And what if it doesn't really matter anyway?

15. Because if I can just be near people I love and occasionally experience happiness, isn't that enough?