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Too Pooped to Pop

I'm often really tired. I spend a lot of time relaxing, napping, resting, lounging, de-stressing, reclining, and sleeping. I spend a lot of time sleeping. This past Saturday, I slept basically all day. I could not get enough sleep, apparently. I cannot get enough sleep, apparently.

Some of this is, I think, more baggage I picked up from my years battling depression. I got into the habit of needing a lot of rest and now it's just how I roll. Some of it is likely related to my weight issues. Some of it is my inner child saying, 'I don't wanna be awake.' My mother wasn't a napper. She was up and busy all day long. Until college, I wasn't really a napper, either. However, in the last five years alone I have made up for any naps I might have missed in my youth. When you live alone, it's easy to nap the day away. No one is relying on you to make lunch (or dinner) and I can let the dog out into the backyard so she isn't dying for a walk.

I can't decide if I really do just need a lot more sleep than the average person (I thrive, generally, on 9 or 10 hours a night) or if I'm lazy or if I have gotten into the habit of wanting/getting a great deal of sleep. I'd love to be a more productive person. I'd love to be able to keep more of my promises. This weekend, for example, when I couldn't stay awake all day on Saturday, I had to dip out on the second performance of the school's spring musical. I didn't want to miss it. I was really looking forward to it, but I was just so damn tired.

Doctors have tested my thyroid, my blood sugar, my Vitamin D. I'm taking powerful antidepressants. One of my goals for this year is to see a sleep doctor. There's probably a solution to my endless sleepiness. However, in the meantime, I'm going to keep enjoying my amazing mattress (it's a Casper and I'm not getting paid but I love mine) and bingeing on Netflix (there's more Great British Baking Show now!) and snuggling with Birdie. And if I dip out on our plans together (especially if they happen after 7pm), then I'm really sorry. I really am.

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